Divorce is nothing but a sore topic to talk about. It’s more than just a short-term “breakup” you can immediately get over with – it’s a failed marriage, a lifetime commitment you’ve invested a lot in.
It’s devastating to see the marriage you’ve built and cherished for years collapsing right in front of you; when your partner, who used to be a major part of your world, eventually turns out to be a total stranger. Divorce can also leave you financially crippled and be wondering where and how to begin.
But remember that the end of a chapter marks the beginning of another. There’s a happy life after divorce – and you just need to be strong enough to see it.
If you’re going through a divorce, you might be asking, “what am I going to do after this?” While there are different reasons and ways to cope with it, we provide a few valuable tips to help you rebuild your life and shine after divorce.
1. Give yourself time to grieve
Divorce is not that different from dealing with the death of a loved one. The thoughts of letting go, living alone, changing routines, and starting over again, in the same way, make it difficult for you to function. You lost someone too, and the loss comes with shock, denial, resentment, and in some cases, self-blaming.
It’s okay to give yourself time to grieve. Go through the stages. Talk to a friend. Learn coping strategies from counseling experts. Cry if you must – but not for too long.
2. Go back to the reasons
When the wound is fresh, it’s natural to fill your mind with “what if” and if only” scenarios. Don’t hold on to these so much for they’ll only deteriorate your life, hindering you from moving forward and being happy again.
Whenever you feel like you’ve made a wrong decision, go back to the actual reasons that led to this difficult choice. Think about the lessons you learned from them. Then, let go and try to find the silver lining.
3. Forgive and let go of the bitterness
Instead of holding on to resentment, begin the process of forgiving your ex. Forgive, say thank you for the good relationship, apologize, and say goodbye. Do this, not only for your ex but for yourself as well.
Forgiveness comes with freedom and peace of mind. It’s only through forgiving that you let go of bitterness, allowing both parties to move on and start anew.
Forgive yourself too, for everything you have and have not done. Then, put your energy on how you’ll prepare for the next thrilling stage of your life.
4. Less stalk, less mistake
Forgiving someone and being friends don’t come hand in hand. Give yourself time apart and don’t try to be friends ASAP.
Never allow yourself to get caught up with what your ex is doing. Don’t follow him on social media to check out the new chick he’s dating. Don’t contact him.
Don’t invite negative energy while you’re still healing. This way, you’ll have the mental space to focus on yourself and welcome new opportunities into your life.
5. Keep the kids out
It’s safe to say that moving on from a failed relationship is easier when there are no kids involved. But if you have children, you two need to work together provide what’s best for them.
Never badmouth your former spouse to and in front of your kids. Stop competing to be the “better” and “cooler” parent either. Instead, embrace the responsibility of being co-parents who’ll serve as good role models for the youth.
6. Connect with the right people
Spend more time connecting with your real besties. Reconnect with old friends you haven’t talked to in years. Cut off toxic people from your life and make some new friends, whose values and goals are like yours.
It’s nice to receive support, advice, and fun from quality people, old and new. Who knows? Socializing might lead you to a person or a group of people who’ll help you hone your neglected interests and talents.
7. Set new goals for yourself
Gone are the days when every decision you make needs to benefit both parties. Now is the best time to be a little selfish and set goals that will contribute to your personal feeling of accomplishment.
Think about the things you’ve been wanting to do and achieve. Do you want to travel overseas? Or buy an item your former partner never approved of? Do you plan to search for new job opportunities? Or invest in a small business for extra income?
8. Invest in your brand-new life
Buy new dresses, both for parties and workdays. Get a lingerie refresh too. Change your hairstyle. If you’re taking up a new hobby, buy new books and materials for your craft. Put your money and energy on anything that will support your new endeavors and make you happy.
9. Pay attention to self-care
You might feel the need to stay busy to take your mind off things. However, don’t forget self-care and alone time.
Spend at least 10 minutes a day doing pleasurable things. It might be as simple as watching a movie, taking a walk, working out, or cooking your favorite meal. You may also take up that activity you’ve always wanted to try. Do these things, not only to make you forget but to make yourself genuinely happier.
10. Consider professional counseling
Your friends and family are always there to give you support and cheer you up during these trying times. But if you need professional, unbiased guidance, and coping strategies, it’s best to hear them from a licensed counselor or therapist. Your physical and mental health will thank you.
Strategies To Start New Life After Divorce
Author Bio: Carmina Natividad is one of the writers for Relationship Room Couples Counseling, a couples psychology institution specializing in relationship counseling and therapies for couples and families. She may look sweet, but she’s got some straightforward pieces of advice about love, dating, and relationships.